Iman Shakeel

It was midnight, and the streetlights were dim. The sky was painted lead and pink. A dusty storm accompanied by tiny droplets of rain gave Shalini a sense of foreboding. Shalini was walking alone, slowly down the lane in a part of town where no lone woman should be walking, especially at that time of the night. The place was utterly dark, shadowed by tall buildings on either side. A few industrial-sized bins contributed to the inner-city stench—a simmering mix of grime and garbage, with a tinge of acrid summer ozone. Strips of light escaped the high-up windows but were not enough to illuminate Shalini.

A car turned off the busy main road into the quiet lane. It was moving stealthily, hunting her, the almost hidden figure walking ahead. The headlight’s arc found her. Her cheap green dress was too small to be worn, and her skin was too thick to determine her age. She looked uncomfortable in her shimmering heels and caked-on make-up. The car stopped at a distance after moving slowly over the lane. She rested her hand on the door while she exchanged a few words with the young man seated in the driver seat. He seemed witty and smart enough to manipulate people and escape from getting tangled. Whatever he uttered in a low tone, it was enough to convince her and get inside the car. 

The vehicle headed to the end of the lane paused briefly and surged into the flow of traffic. It fled down the road, past the clubs, the bored bouncers and Sunday night revellers until it finally took a turn into an underground car park. The driver found a dim corner and applied the brakes. There was no one else around. The car jerked, and Shalini started to drown in fear and anxiety. She unbuckled her seat belt and tried to get out of the vehicle by pressing the door handle hard.

He looked at her silently and stared at her as if he could read her mind.

“Let’s get into the back seat,” he muttered. “It will be more comfortable.”

Shalini was getting nervous. Her puzzled mind couldn’t figure out a means of escape.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. “What are you trying to say?”

He heaved with a deep sigh and pulled out a badge; she recoiled from it as though she saw a ghost.

“What the hell?”

She tried to open the door one again. It was locked.

“Soliciting is a crime. But you have two choices … either I persuade you in or …”

“Or what?”

“Or you agree without a fuss.”

It took her a few seconds to comprehend what he was saying. She could not believe her ears as she heard him mumble.

“Like, is that what you want? I don’t f**kin’ believe this. All this for a freebie? No way.”

To not create any more fuss, Shalini got into the back seat. He followed her. Everything he wanted to do was over in a matter of minutes. He returned to the driver’s seat, straightened himself up while watching her in the rearview mirror. Dressed again, she got out hastily and walked away. He jumped out of the car and quickly caught hold of her, grabbing hold of her hair tightly.

“Where do you think you are going?” he asked her cunningly.

She looked perplexed.

“We had a deal.” he smiled.

And even before Shalini could think of anything, in a quick movement, he pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket and clipped them around her wrists.

“Oh shit. How will I reach home now? What on earth am I going to tell my mother?” Shalini was disturbed by the chain of thoughts that were haunting her.

An eerie silence had taken over, interrupted by her occasional sobs.

After driving for a distance, he opened the door and pushed her out on the street. Shalini landed with a thud and was bruised in the head. Blood was oozing out of her arms, and her knees were injured severely.

She immediately stuffed her hands into her pocket and ran for her life without paying heed to anyone.

Dark heavy clouds gathered in the sky, and green leaves on the trees seemed to be nudging each other, waiting to welcome the rain yet to arrive from the grey clouds.

Shalini broke out in a sweat despite the chill by the time she reached the stairs to her 2nd-floor apartment. The unease was growing into anxiety as she became increasingly aware that she needed to fix the wounds as soon as possible. As she fumbled with the keys and stepped into her apartment, her dress was soaked in blood. The rain had started gushing down. With tears silently streaming down her pale face, she made her way to the bathroom leaving behind her a bloody trail of an incident she never wanted to disclose.

Shalini did not know for how long she sat there amid a small pool of her foolishness mixed with guilt. The clouds now turned white, relieved after having lost their water. Shalini wanted that relief for herself, but what she felt was only sorrow. Deep, dark, swallowing her from inside. Why? Why? Why? Her silent mind screamed. Something seemed to reach and clutch her heart, squeezing tightly. What she did not know was the impending pain that would come. Unbearable. It was her first time, and the injuries added more to the pain.

Hours later, after she managed to collect pieces of herself, she looked for her phone. Ten missed calls—her mother. With trembling fingers, she called back. How do I tell her on earth? Numb with despair, She felt something shove down her throat.

Mom?

She wasn’t sure if she spoke that word or if it was only in her head.

“Shalini!! Where are you? I have been trying to call you for the past five hours! Don’t tell me that you were out with Shreya and forgot to check your phone. Since you moved to Delhi, you have just become so much more ignorant! I sit here trying to reach out to you, while you…..” and on and on and on, she shouted into Shalini’s unhearing ear.

Tears slowly started welling down her eyes. She was afraid her wounds would hurt more as her mother’s words pricked her: a rain of tiny glass fragments that cut sharply through the fresh wound.

She let the phone slide onto the table and walked over to the landline in the kitchen. After an hour or two, she pulled the cord tight, and she sat on the floor, allowing the rhythmic ringing on the other end soothe her nerves.

The slightly out of breath voice said: Hello?

Mom? Barely above a whisper….

“Shalini?…” her mother’s voice didn’t attempt to mask the surprise in it.

“Is something the matter?” inquired her mother in a calm tone this time.

“I tried, mom.” Shalini knew she was being heard. “But why? Why don’t you ever try to understand me?” By now, she was heaving with huge unstoppable sobs.

“No, mom. I was never good enough. I will never be good enough. I wish I were like my younger sister – she is happy to be what you want her to be. From wearing what you want her to wear to topping at school to studying the course you chose. My achievements were never important to you. I am messy. I break the rules. I have fun. Why? Why can’t you see that? Why are you so ignorant when it comes to me?”

All she heard were heart-wrenching sobs on the other end. The real pain had stood behind the momentary mask of her mother’s disapproval. Now that the mask was torn away, Shalini could not hold it in anymore. It was too much. Way too much. All she longed for was comfort in her mother’s lap. She just wished she would not have to deal with this.

Shalini’s mom was sure that something more than just her words was the issue here. While Shalini cried on the other end, her mom kept saying reassuring words. At long last, when Shalini was sober enough to be audible, she told her mother about the rape that she had encountered in exchange for a free ride. She told her mom everything in detail, right from walking alone on the street at night to talking to a stranger and how it led to unprecedented rape and violence. Her mother’s heart went out to her brave little daughter. She wanted to reach out and wipe away the pain and loneliness. She sympathised with her daughter and consoled her wholeheartedly. She assured her that she will stand with her at every step of life.

“My child, you are strong. I sometimes wish every woman had the strength and courage that you possess. You know how to combat injustice and stand up for yourself. I can understand what you had faced last night. Truly, you are a daring and brave girl who could pick herself and run back. You know your value, and that is your biggest weapon in fighting anything that is thrown at you.”

Shalini had silenced down at the other end. “Mom…. I guess I have to go see the doctor now” She felt numb.

“That is a good idea, my dear. Why don’t you ask Shreya to go with you?”

“No! Mom. I can go.”

“Shalini….? You are a perfect daughter. Sometimes it hurts me to see you hurt. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness or victimhood.”

The relief was already seeping into Shalini’s soul, and she started to regain her composure.

Her mother quickly made plans. “I will call Shreya and let her know that you need to go to the hospital urgently. You don’t have to disclose anything to your father. I will help you out. But do let me know how it goes. If you can, come here tomorrow or if you feel you will not make it, I will come there for a few days. Shalini…..?”

“Yes. I’m listening.”

Despite knowing the intensity of the situation and what her daughter had gone through last night, Shalini’s mother didn’t express any sorrow, although she was dumbstruck when she got to know about it. She instead helped her in moving out of it by consoling and comforting her.

“Truly, our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we have ever met.”